Winsome
Behaviour
Translation
of the book,
"Madhur Vyavhar",
which is based on Pujya Sant Shri Asaramji Bapu's Satsang & is published by
Sant Shri Asaramji Ashram.
(This
Satsang is based on Anushasan Parva & Shanti Parva of
Mahabharata)
God is the source of supreme bliss & supreme peace. As the bond between you
& God becomes stronger, so will the inner bliss & peace. Then wherever
you go, bliss & happiness will be there with you. Others will also feel
peaceful in your company.
At some places in India the great saints are called 'Dada', which means who
gives... who keeps giving forever. The one who gives knowledge, affection,
kindness, happiness, peace etc. everyday is called 'Dada'. We also learn the art
of living, the art of talking and the right way of dealing with people from such
great men. They are the ideals for everybody.
Echo is of the same nature as the sound that generates it & also echo
follows the sound. Similarly others behave in the same way as we behave with
them wherever we go. If you want happiness, give others the same. If you want
respect, then give others the same. If you want to get hurt, then you may hurt
others. What you sow, so shall you reap.
Sweet language spoken for the benefit of
others gives them happiness, peace & love; also, it gets back happiness,
peace & love for oneself. Such language nourishes ones good qualities
and provides mind with pure & positive energy. It is a blessing from God and
it is beneficial for us & everybody around us. It protects & beautifies
The Truth.
Never speak any word which hurts & harms anybody. Harsh & hurting
language cannot hide the truth, and the partial truth present in the harshly
spoken statement also gets deformed because it is not appreciated by anybody.
The one who has foul tongue has an evil heart.
Some scholar told Pandit Madanmohan Malviya: "You can abuse me with hundred
harsh words but I'll not get annoyed."
The reply that Malviyaji gave reflects his greatness. He said: "I'll test your
anger later, before that my tongue will become dirty."
Neither should you make your tongue dirty nor should you accept such language
from others. If the bad language of others influences your mind, it means that
you are accepting their foul language.
Rajjab has said: Rajjab do not get angry when somebody asks, "Why that for?"
Smilingly reply, "Yes Sir! Just like that."
The words spoken politely & properly is pleasing to all. If one calls
"Uncle" to the brother of ones mother then it sounds good, but if one calls him
the "brother-in-law of father" then it becomes harsh.
Secondly, words spoken in inappropriate circumstances do not generate welcoming
reaction. Some people talk about constipation etc. on the dinning table. This
has a bad effect on the mind & body.
Therefore, at the time of meals one should talk about things which have pure,
peaceful & pleasing after-effects. Eating fried & over-cooked food and
too many varieties of food is bad for health, also it disturbs peace of mind.
A true & righteous statement given at the wrong time is also not pleasing.
Lord Rama used to be very careful about not speaking words at inappropriate
occasions. In his conversations He was never an opponent. That is why He never
hurt anybody. He used to present appropriate statements also very logically with
the intention of benefit of all.
Give respect to the person with whom you are talking. The key to success is
being humble. The one whose words provoke anger in the other person time and
again goes to hell. If one imagines the outcome of any statement before it comes
out of mouth, then there is no need to feel guilty later.
If somebody comes to office late on a particular day, then instead of asking the
reason for being late directly if one says : "You reach office on time everyday.
Why couldn't you make it on time today?" ...Then that person will reply
honestly.
Even when talking to members of family one must remember that he/she is not
talking to machines or robots, but is talking to human beings who have feelings.
Every individual needs affection, sympathy, repect & caring gestures. If one
behaves respectfully with elders, affectionately with persons of same age-group
and kindly & sympathetically with the younger generation, then it has a
magical influence on them.
Stealing somebody's property, money etc is not as big a crime as hurting other's
feelings. Do not break anybody's heart because
God Himself lives in his/her heart. If suggestions are given with an
attitude of love & respect for the other, then there can never be any
conflict in the family.
A husband told his wife that the food wasn't cooked well. The wife got irritated
& said: "Eat somewhere else, either go a restaurant or get some other woman
to cook." The husband got hurt and did not eat that day. If the wife would have
thought about their mutual affection then she would have said: "I'll cook more
carefully tomorrow... You'll not get a reason to complain..." Then this
situation would not have arrived and then no friction would have developed
between the two. Also there would not have been disrespect for the food.
Similarly, if the father says to the son: "You didn't get good marks in your
exams, you are stupid..." This will have a negative impact on the child. Instead
if the father says: "Son! You should work harder. You should meditate regularly
to increase your concentration." Such a statement would generate enthusiasm in
the child, also the child would have more respect for the father. The child will
then work harder & try to get good marks.
If a customer says to the shopkeeper: "I'd bought this thing from your shop. It
is not good. Take that back." The shopkeeper should not behave rudely with him.
He should say: "Its alright if you do not like this. I have more varieties of
this thing. May be you'll like them." The shopkeeper should behave
affectionately & sympathetically with the customer. This welcoming behaviour
will make that customer, a life-long customer.
"You'll have to do this work," instead of saying this to the servant if one
says: "Will you do this for me?", then the servant will work more
enthusiastically & efficiently. Otherwise work will be a burden for him. He
will not be happy doing the work and therefore his productivity will be poor.
A little difference in the style of speaking
affects quality of work a lot. If one has to get work done from somebody
then one must politely ask that person if it is possible for him/her to do the
work.
One must give importance to the person to whom he/she is talking and not to
oneself. Words spoken properly have a positive impact and words spoken foolishly
have negative consequences.
One who does not impose his/her ego on the
other only can work as a good team leader. Such a team-leader takes the
responsibility of mistakes made by a member of team on himself and gives credit
for the good work to the responsible member. Having sympathetic attitude for the
personal problems of team-members & trying to help them in the best way is
the sign of expert leadership. Praising the members for the good work &
guiding them through their mistakes is also the sign of expert leadership.
The quality of work improves if one has a friendly & family-like
attitude towards colleaques. The team-leader who feels disconnected to the team
will not be able to provide a thorough leadership which would lead to lack of
coordination and thus the productivity of the team would get affected.
The sports teams that play with the feeling of togetherness produces good
quality of game & usually wins the game. A sports team may have good players
but if it lacks coordination & brotherhood then it is more likely that the
team would lose. If the captain of the team does not have the feeling of
equality & respect for the individual player, then the team gets divided and
loses the game.
Only cheerful people know the art of getting work done. Those who meditate
regularly & listen carefully to the words of Saints only can experience
ever-lasting happiness. Whoever comes in contact with such people willingly
works in accordance to them.
Some people always have revolting attitude towards others. They get a negative
reaction from the person to whom they ask for doing some work. In such cases the
person works half heartedly without taking responsibilities for what he/she has
done. Negative reaction makes the person who is trying to get work done feel
irritated and the work also gets spoiled. On the contrary a happy & peaceful
person gets a good quality work done.
Do not assume that your friends-relatives, kids-wife, servants etc. would get
out of control if you do not scold them, shout at them or be wicked with them.
The fact is that such a behaviour makes them distant from you.
Everybody can become yours with the qualities of love, sympathy, respect, sweet
words, feeling of benefit for others, sacrifice etc. People will get ready to
make big scarifices for you if you have such behaviour. People will have a sweet
& affectionate place for you in their hearts. Not only will you be happy but
all those who come in contact with you will also experience happiness &
peace.
Our style of speaking determines the way in which somebody reacts to what we
tell him/her. The style that generates positive reaction in the listener is the
most appropriate style. Words spoken in a sarcastic tone hurts others and
consequently we also suffer.
Sensible people express their feelings in a few words. They do not speak
anything which might hurt others. One should be humble, friendly &
sympathetic towards all. Most of the people that one may come across everyday
will have problems & grief beyond imagination. One should understand this
fact & therefore one must not be envious & disrespectful to anyone,
instead be specially gentle towards all.
Behave nicely to even those who have a rude behaviour, and thereafter do not
feel proud of your good behaviour. The more you forget your self pride while
helping others, the more beneficial it will be for you. Spread the message of
love & benfit of all by having a gentle behaviour & selfless love for
all. Such a behaviour alone is the real help & real solace. Whatever you
give to this world, the same shall you get.
See everybody with eyes filled with love & sympathy. Selfless love is the
real food for a happy life. The world is dying of this hunger, therefore give
this love to everybody. Do not hide the spiritual love in your heart. Distribute
this love generously, most of the pain of this world will vanish.
The person who does not have an affectionate & sympathetic behaviour is a
burden to this hummanity, and the person whose heart is filled with selfishness
& jealousy is a curse.
Awaken the pure love of heart. Keep enriching that. Let the river of this divine
love make its way everywhere. You will experience supernatural peace &
happiness and by your means the river of peace & happiness will start
flowing in this world.
He is not blind who has lost his eyes, but he who overlooks his bad qualities is
actually blind. One cannot hide his bad qualities but can make them
insignificant by developing corresponding good qualities.
Developing bad qualities is easy and developing good qualities is also
equally easy. Our inclination toward bad qualities can be easily changed to good
qualities by slightly controlling our thoughts.
Foul language is so dangerous that it can pierce the heart of the man.
Cautiously spoken language helps creating a righteous environment. Harsh words
of any kinds have hazardous impact, therefore such words should not be used at
all.
A language which is righteous, sweet, likeable & truthful creates the
environment for an efficient life. In the words of Goswami Tulsidas:
Tulsi, sweet language makes
happiness blossom everywhere... The Mantra to rule the hearts of all: Get rid of
harsh words.
Make efforts to make yourself supreme and truthful. In this world you
are getting mad about richness-glory, position-power, fame-reputation and
respect-praise, none of these can ever satisfy you. These desires will never be
completely fulfilled & therefore you shall never feel satisfied with these
desires around you.
Do not waste your energy in building huge mansions & beautiful gardens. Do
not waste your thoughts in such petty things. There are plenty of buildings
which are tall but the people leaving in them are short & mean. Do not waste
energy in building big houses & decorating them with sparkling items, do not
unnecessarily make efforts to prove the status of your wife & friends in the
society. If you agree to this divine thought, accept it, know it and understand
that the one and only ideal & aim of life is not to misuse your mind &
strength in saving money or making buildings, but to develop inner strength,
arise spiritual strength and progress spiritually to attain God & salvation,
then the bonds of the family, society and world can never become barriers for
you.
Oh loved ones! Always remember that you live for yourself and not for others. Do
not leave any room for others to interfere with your life. Do you eat your food
or is it someone else eating for you? Do you digest your food or someone else
does that for you? Do you see with your eyes or with the eyes of someone else?
Why are you unnecessarily getting influenced by others?
You must become your own center of gravity.
Depend on yourself. Realize the eternal self which is the basis &
controller of all. Do not worry for the attitude & criticism of your guests.
Do not use spicy & rich food, furniture and cushions as means to make your
guests comfortable. This attitude of serving the guests is petty &
incomplete. You should give such an environment to your guest that when he
leaves your place he feels more pure at heart and happier than before. He should
leave your home with the inspiration to lead a life more thoughtful, happy,
simple, humble & natural than before. Understand this to be your duty
towards loved ones. This is the correct path to make your family happier. A
householder can use this technique to create room for progress in place of
obstacles-problems in his home.
If the guest becomes more self-dependent, happy and thoughtful after staying at
your place, then you have offered the righteous service to him. If you try to
influence him with the lavishness of your house and with smart & clever
behaviour, then you are disturbing both his & your peace of mind. If your
richness & extravagence makes your guest jealous & more ambitious, then
both of you will bear the consequences of these unrighteous feelings. Therefore
a simple, humble, truthful & affectionate behaviour is beneficial for both
of you. Give him a greater gift, the gift of true knowledge and true love. Help
him experience the supreme happiness generated out of innocent love.
If I do not give you even a single penny and do not offer any physical help, but
if I smile at you with innocent love and true heart, then you are bound to feel
very happy and spiritually uplifted. Such a smile will be a better social
service than any material help. Giving an honest & innocent smile is more
valuable than giving the treasury of pearls. What is the use of monetary help
when you have an unrighteous behaviour towards that person? You make the other
person forget the love of God, bliss & true knowledge by betraying him. Let
the heart of others become more pure and let them grow spiritually! This a great
service to the mankind.
Lying, criticizing, back-biting and being rude
are the bad qualities of language.
There are four shortcomings of a conversation:
1)Speaking as if giving commands to others
2)Speaking as if shouting at others
3)Using abusive language
4)Using sarcastic language
There are five good qualities of
language: Benefit of others, Friendly with others, Peaceful, Sweet &
Affectionate
You should remain ego-less and give respect to others. Those who have a
righteous behaviour & are sincerely involved with social service, they are
truely loved by even those people who have just heard their name & not yet
seen them.
A conversation must not reflect cruelty. One should not speak any words to
degrade the other person. Rude words keep haunting in the mind of the listener
therefore do not use any words which can disturb peace of mind of others. A
person pierced with an arrow may be healed but a person pierced with harsh words
will never be healed.
After invoking the subtle internal spiritual enrgy by doing spiritual practices,
self-control, speaking truth and constant supervision of the mind, one will not
feel happiness-sadness at times of desired and undesired circumstances.
An intelligent person remains calm even when an indecent person speaks foul
language. The one who stays cheerful, even when the person in front of him gets
angry, gets the good karmas of the angry person.
Anger is disliked by all because it excites people with negative energy
and is unrighteous. The person who gets control over this anger, does not let
any ill-feeling arise in his heart, who remains cheerful always, and overlooks
weaknesses of others, that person gets the good karmas of all those who develop
enmity for him. Even the Devtas (Divine souls in Indian mythology) look forward
to meet and see the person who does not speak either ill or good about the
person who had spoken harsh language, keeps a balance of mind always, and never
wants anything bad to happen to others.
The essence of all Vedas is speaking truth
always. The essence of truthful language is self-control. The essence of
self-control is salvation. The one who can control the emotional waves of
mind, language, anger, jealousy, hunger & reproductive organs can attain the
"True Knowledge" - the knowledge of one Brahma.
The person whose mind & words are devoted to God completely, he gets the
fruits of studying Vedas, performing spiritual austerities & sacrifice
without actually studying them.
An intelligent person should stay contented even after getting insulted because
he who has been insulted sleeps happily but he who has insulted the other
suffers the consequences of bad karma. An angry person is deprived of his good
karmas by nature.
The person who has self-control over food & sensuality, pays attention to
cleanliness and keeps smiling & speaks sweet words while helping others is a
religious person indeed.
It is better to stay silent than speaking useless words. This is the first
quality of language. Speaking truth is the second quality of language. Speaking
sweet words is the third quality. Speaking about topics which are approved by
religion is the fourth quality.
Indra asked Brahaspati: "Oh Great Soul! What is the thing that makes a person
well-known & loved by all beings?" Brahaspati said; "Oh Indra! That thing is
sympathy, sweet words & sweet behaviour. Those who have such a behavior
become well-known & are loved by all beings. This one thing makes the whole
world happy."
The person who is always irritated & does not speak sweet language, such a
person who is never peaceful becomes enemy of all. The person who initiates
conversation himself when he meets people and speaks smilingly makes everybody
happy.
As badly cooked food cannot make one satisfied, in the same way a donation given
without sweet words cannot make anybody happy.
One should always take care that he is not exploiting anybody. The sweet
language of only that person is appropriate who thinks of benefit of others. The
person who exploits the ignorance of poor, illiterate & innocent people may
appear to be flourishing but in the end he has to suffer.
The person having truthful, affectionate & sweet behavior may appear to be
at loss in the beginning but he sees the wonderful ending -Realization of God.
Khudiram was determined to be on the path of truth & sweetness. People
thought of him as dumb & ignorant. This Khudiram who used to live in the
Dere village of Hooglie district and used to lead a life filled with love &
truth became the father of the great saint of India: Shri Ramakrishna. One may
not see the fruits of truthfulness & sweet behaviour in the beginning but it
definitely leads to eternal growth.
Om Peace... Om Peace... Om Peace...